I have been a Christian for over ten years now. When I hit my twenties, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, and Bipolar. For over five years I sought medication treatments that seemed to somewhat help. While treating some symptoms with medication, I also sought therapeutic treatment. It was all Hell! I learned a lot from therapy, and was very stable. About a year ago, I went off medications, and stopped therapy. Now, I'm back to raging emotions. I am all over the place. I can be doing SUPER well emotionally, then get a text, call, or email and go right to self-injury thoughts. The calls and texts are bad, but somehow send me over the edge, almost. Since Christmas eve, I have been cutting myself several times, and overdosed almost every night the past several weeks.
Contrary to what most might think, I DON'T want to die!!! In fact, I can't wait for the future. At the same time, the future scares me. I compare myself to others my age, who are married, graduated, working, and living on their own. Not me. Here I am, living at home, still in school.
I need to say to fellow Christians, I CAN'T "snap out of it"!!!! It doesn't work that way. No, I'm not depressed, just lonely and discouraged! I'm praying someone relate through this blog. For now, I'm going to bed and praying for strength, and for others that may hurt too.
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