Wow!

Talk about suicidal!!! I have nothing to look forward to right now. I really would be okay if I died tonight to live with Jesus. Living with Jesus sounds amazing, except the fact that I'll be living FOREVER! Almost wish I could die and be done with everything. Tonight I helped at church and was open to what God had for me. Now, I've cried on my kitchen floor in a fetal position. I tried talking to a couple people, with no success. My friend Michelle, bless her heart, was trying so hard to help. I just didn't want to be alone though. I left my house with the intention of taking plenty of Valium. Instead, I got in the shower, sang VBS songs, and prayed. I felt better and came to the conclusion is simple, but complicated- I'm an addicted people-pleaser. Now, I think some counseling will help shoot for pleasing God, NOT people! PRAYING, Amanda