What the hell is going on?! Thought these roller coaster emotions would be fixed with the increase in medication. Well, I superficially cut myself. I don't want to overdose on Valium anymore, because the doctor may take it away. I was having a great day, until a friend text me, "your last text pissed me off!". my text said, "so i buy u lunch and never hear from you?" i was being TOTALLY innocent and sarcastic. She took is seriously and said she isn't going to talk to me for awhile. I honestly think EVERYONE would be better off if I was dead. I'm reaching out, really, I am. I've sent a few urgent messages to my pastor, which leads to NOTHING. I want nothing more than to die. In fact, I'm praying God takes me tonight. I don't want to go another day!
I want so badly to have support, like regular accountability, but that's NOT possible. It's just not possible for any human to be there for me as much as I'd like. I have nothing to offer this world! I need to leave. I feel that if God was real, there would be a solution by now. For now, I'm taking like second by second, literally! I'm trying not to be impulsive...
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