Today I talked with my pastor. GREAT guy! He in convinced that my bad days will become fewer and less extreme. I proceeded to argue with him because I don't think it's true, as much as I'd like it to be. I do thank him for his time and kind, encouraging words. I did feel a small weight lifted off my shoulders as I left the sanctuary. Today has been great emotionally, just at peace. I felt so special that my pastor flat out said he cares, and prays for me often. Wow! Couldn't ask for more. So to my pastor, and "Sherry", thank you for your concern and time. Thank you for collaborating to try and help me. I may post more later, but need to get ready for a midterm, and shower.
So, I call this post a fight because I truly am fighting. My flesh and spirit are at war. I want to get better and let go of my bad days, to say goodbye to self-destruction forever, but I just don't know that I can. I know it's fully up to me, and I pray God radically changes my heart. As I have been taught, and usually believe, that I am a new creation. I guess what's holding me back is my faith, or lack of. I just can't begin to comprehend WHY on earth Christ would choose me! Why me? I don't have much to offer, and live in disobedience. I pray this changes. I'm not sure I have been willing to try so hard to win this fight. I again, pray this fight is a season, that bad days will become fewer, and less extreme.
If ever you think to reply to my posts, I ask now, more than ever to please respond. I'd appreciate questions and/or responses.
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