Ok, not sure how I feel about flaking on Bible study last week, this week, and next week. I haven't been keeping up on the study so I feel I have nothing to offer if I go. My anxiety was all too overwhelming this evening so I didn't get completely to the church. Instead I made myself busy for about an hour. Then came home and took 30mg of Valium. Wanted to stop and buy a razor blade, but didn't. Since 2:30 I have taken 50mg of valium. I feel great right now. Nothing hurts. I hate myself though. Feeling pretty worthless. Driving home I had a line from a song that sings about "suicidal", that's the only word I can remember. Not feeling that way, but it was a fleeting thought.
I met with a friend today that I haven't seen in about 2 years. It was great! Still, right now I feel isolated. Kinda don't care. Maybe one more valium and bed will be good...No! Can't! I have to wake up and function tomorrow. My psychiatrist did tell me to increase the valium to 20mg twice a day, so hope that helps. He also said to increase Prozac to 30mg, which I'm going to hold off on. Can't focus anymore, I'm a bit tired. Good night.
Hope you had a restful sleep!
ReplyDeleteit was a very drugged sleep, which means it was great!
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